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You take it on faith.

it's been five months... I've been patient, quiet, supportive, honest, faithful, caring and genuine. I don't know what else I can do? will you ever want to really be with me? are you just biding your time? am I not good enough? how long should I wait...


the waiting is the hardest part.

Let's not ask why it's not right....

I don't really know where to begin. I can't believe you're gone... I don't know what I thought was going to happen after it was all over with, but I didn't want it to end this way. You had to much to give, even if it wasn't meant for me. I have loved and hated you, but I didn't even really know you, did I? I loved the man that loved me, treated me with respect and showered me with love. I loved all the empty promises you told me and every single moment we had together. And then I hated you for what you did to me, the way you betrayed me and left me to wallow in the pieces of my pride. And then I realized, I had no idea who you were. The way you were with me, and then the way you were with her... You two people couldn't have been the same person. I wish I could have talked to you just one more time... I wish we could have made things right... Or at least that you could have told me what all this really meant, instead of leaving me confused and torn with too many unanswered questions.

All These Things Left Unsaid...

       I never really got the chance to tell you just how despicable you are for what you did to a 16 year old girl, did I? How could you do that to me? how could you lie to me like that for so long? Why? What made you even want to go there? Did you ever really care for me at all? How could you stoop so low, to deceive a young girl? To use me? To play me? To lie to me? Why? Did I mean anything to you at all?
        You disgust me.

H-Bombs and Supermarkets



they say ignorance is bliss
and what keeps our country strong
but that doesn't make it right
if it's always been wrong


standing on the brink of war
we haven't felt better since
because trying to settle the score
isn't helping our defense


it's a bad time to die
but we'll see about tomorrow
and all the beauty of the world
still can't console our sorrow


Congress filled a prescription for war
and subscribed us all to hate
so because of Big Brother's secrets,
it may already be too late


but life goes on as always
in constant reconstruction
and we couldn't pause for a moment
to witness our own destruction


so we'll catch it on the big screen
after it's been revised
cause the government is media
and marketing favors lies


if love is hate and war is peace
then ignorance is strength
we're all buying into sell-outs
and idling at length


until a f-bomb or an h-bomb
is dropped on someone's laws
and they tell us what we need to know
to rally for the cause


they've always hated us
and we've always felt the same
and we were just as well
Until they said we needed change


so we'll fight another battle
for oil or for land
while the thought police convince us
that the pawns should take a stand


we fly and fight for freedom
and come home to our graves
because they labled us "expendable"
and drafted us as slaves


now all the free we'll ever be
is little more than caged
as long as we've got someone there
to help control the rage


with shots and pills and guns and quills
for writing all the rules
and rights only they can take away
except the right to loseour faith and hope and love
for all the sins we got to choose


Every tear falls down for a reason.

     Lying two-bit whore? Well you would know, wouldn't you? From everytime you slept with me, and told me you loved me. The times you picked me up from school, went places with me, bragged about your beautiful "girlfriend". All the times we played video games, the times you helped me, listened to me, held me. The mornings when you woke up early so you could text me through school. All the things that happened between us. Parties with your friends and mine, late nights and early mornings. And you threw it all back in my face.
     You act like you don't even know me, and I certainly don't know you anymore. The man I knew and loved was sweet, kind, gentle, protective, loving and honest. He held me during "Broken" at the Seether concert, danced with me at the Ludacris concert, held my hand everywhere we went, and played my favorite band in his car. And he loved me.
     But who are you now? You're a liar. And a cheater. And a backstabber. And a heartbreaker. What happened to the man I loved? Where did he go? Will he ever come back? Why does this always happen to me?

People = Shit.

     I don't understand, really. How could you "love" someone so much and hurt them like that? You "love" her, but you used me to hurt her. You "love" me but you played me like a card. How could you? 
     It's been less than two weeks since you promised not to break my heart, and now you're gone. At least you took my advice (for once) and left town so I never have to see you again. I hate you.
     I don't get how people can be so low. I hate people. People suck.

     Wow, you really are low. You played us both, two girls who cared way too much for a boy who doesn't give a shit. You only did it to hurt her? You used me? You played me? Damn. And I thought I was good at this game. Well I am. The only difference this time was I really did LOVE you. I wouldn't do this to someone I really cared about. Which brings up the question, did you ever really care about me? Did you ever love me? Were you just lying the whole time? Not that it matters, I suppose. I was right all along. I told you, and you tested me. I KNOW when I'm being lied to, and dishonesty was radiating off you the entire time. I was just trying to pin the what about part. Here, you had me believing that SHE was the one with a problem, that SHE was the one who was lying, that SHE was the one who was wrong. Oh, stupid boy. I hope too much to be in this world. I guess I thought in my heart that people wouldn't lie about LOVE. That people couldn't do this to people who LOVE them. That you were better than this. You made me hate her  to save yourself. Pathetic. You lying son of a bitch. I hope you burn in hell, mother fucker.

I'm pissed as pissed can be.

     Well, it started yesterday when you didn't text me all day for no reason. Then she came into town, which pissed me off more. Then she tried to play me like a fool, which I do not appreciate one bit. Did you stop her? No. You could have pulled the car over to the side of the fucking road and taken the damn phone away from her then and there, just saying. Then more bullshit went down, which I am getting very tired of; my patience is running out. Then you still didn't answer while I had to sit back and freak out internally all day. Not good, sir, not good at all. 
     Today, it's currently 2 pm, and I stil haven't heard from you. There is NO WAY you're sleeping this late with a two year old at home. I would understand if you wanted to spend time with him and not talk to me, but I would also like a little courtesy, involving you at least telling me this. I'm getting really frustrated and fed up with this; you're already walking on thin ice after last night. I can't believe you're pushing my buttons like this, honestly. 
     You're making me feel clingy, which I'm not. I don't like being in the dark, and up until now, it's rather unusual for you not to talk to me or at least tell me you're not going to talk to me. I don't like this, not one bit. You should know. This is not private for a REASON.

Texas Curriculum Changes

     For those of you who are unaware, let me run through (briefly) why I am currently heated. The state of Texas has been debating for months on the topic of rewriting the History curriculum for public schools. Their plan will, in essence, water down the issues of  the Civil War as it relates to slavery and social issues, and focus the topic more on "states rights" because, of course, that's why the war was fought. (sarcasm) It will also do the same to topics such as slavery, in general, civil rights, etc.  (If you would like to learn more about this, it's being discussed on most major news networks on television and online.)

     There are also other changes being made or that have been made to core subjects in the curriculum in Texas, but I'm choosing to focus on this one for the simple fact that it's history. You can't rewrite history; it is what it was. The end. You can't spin it another way, or try to change the intentions of people who lived centuries before us. We cannot allow them to teach lies and streched stories to the next generation of students.
     Now, some of you may ask, why am I angry? After all, I don't even live in Texas. Well it's simple. Texas being  one of the largest states, it influences the curriculum of other states in the counrty as well, such as smaller states who cannot afford to write their own curriculum. Texas is one of the biggest buyers of textbooks in the nation, which influences which books get printed in factories for other states to purchase. This could spread this nonsense easily. I say it has to be stopped in its tracks now to avoid hindering the education of future generations throughout the counrty.

We only do it for the scars and stories.

     It's true, once you fall in love wih someone, you never fall out. That's what concerns me the most. I understand that you have loved me for so long (I hope), but you have loved her for longer. Will that ever truly fade? I just don't want to get hurt. I only have these feelings (doubts?) when I'm alone, though. When I'm with you, I would believe anything. I just feel, whole, with you. I don't know how to explain it, but it almost feels like I'm missing something when you're not here. It concerns me. What if she comes back and you take that part of me away forever? What will I do then? I do, however, want you to be happy. Whatever that means. But, in the process, I would very much like not to have my heart broken yet again. I just want this to work, for it to be right. It's a selfish selflessness. An oxymoron, a paradox, per usual when it comes to me. I almost wish things were simple. But then not, because that would make it mean less, it would take something away. I don't know what I'm saying anymore. It's just time for bed.