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I love you.

    Do you ever fall out of love with someone? Is that possible? How do you get your heart back once you give it away? How do you unbreak a heart? Please, someone let me know when you figure this out.
     I love him, and I hate him, and I hate that I love him, and I hate that I have to hate him because I really just want to love him. Does that make sense? I want things to be uncomplicated; simple, some would say. I just want to love him, and he love me and treat me right and let everything be okay again. 
     Why do things have to be so messed up? Why can't two people just love each other and that be the end of it? WHy couldn't he just love me? Why wasn't that enough? Why does a broken heart hurt so much?

Hypocrites.

     Christians are the biggest hypocrites in the entire world. The Bible says "do not judge your neighbor lest you be judged yourself," "love your neighbor as yourself," and that the Lord is the only one who should pass judgement. Yet there are no better people at passing judgement than Chrisitans. I don't understand how you can spend your entire life believing in something and preaching it and then turn around and not follow it. It is utterly disgusting.

Made my mistakes, let you down.


     Well it has come to my attention that I have made an awful lot of mistakes in my life. I 'm not really sure what I think about that. It upsets me, almost, that I've messed up so much. I still stand by what I said though, I do not believe in regrets. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I did though, I'm not sure. If I could say, "Look, I'm sorry, and I regret what I did." I just can't bring myself to that. I know that somehow, if things were different, I woulnd't be where I am now. I just hope that one day I can look back on all of this and hate myself just a little less.

Revelations

     Everything is alright. That is such a relief to say. I'm so glad that everything worked out. In the mean time, I've been thinking, per usual.

     I want a newspaper at my school, and I am fully intent on starting one. I have several things to do to ensure that this happens. As of now, I have the support of many students and my teachers. Let's hope this works.

     I should be taking the ACT in October, but I missed the regestration deadline. I refuse to pay late fees bacuse they are senseless. Instead, I'm going to hold off and take the test in December. Hopefully.

     I don't understand why certain things still bother me. I really should learn to let go and move on. I should be happy.

     I currently have about fifty scholorship applications. I'm eligible for about ten. I cannot apply for several of them because I am not African American. I find this racist. I have not seen any scholarships that require the applicant to be Caucasian. I think that if there is a scholarship for one race, there should be scholarships for all races. So there.

     My favorite time of the year is quickly approaching. Autumn is nye. The days are slowly becoming shorter and cooler, and Halloween is just around the corner. I absolutely cannot wait.

    Homecoming is also drawing near. Despite the fact that I will not get to wear a dress and will probably not get home from the "dance party" until three in the morning, I will be there. Even though I'm greatly disappointed that I do not get to wear a pretty dress, I don't see any sense in "cutting my nose off to spite my face" by not going. That just doesn't make any sense.

     A little birdie told me that a certain someone intends on proposing to me. I happen to be rather excited about this. I probably don't show it very much, but inside I'm bouncing off the walls, so to speak.

     I getting to be closer friends with people I haven't been friends with for years. It's quite nice actually.

     I got into the Biology Club, and I will (probably) be going to Hawaii over Spring Break. I can't wait.

     I am currently gettinf fed up with my supposed "best friend." He has been acting particularly arrogant lately and talking down to me as if I am a child. It's quite annoying. He also keeps throwing in my face the fact that I can't drive, which happens to suck. He never wants to hang out with me because someone else is always more imporant. He doesn't hang with us in the morning, and he doesn't sit with us at lunch. He also never shuts up about choir, which I am beyond tired of hearing about. He worships the ground that his teachers walk on and kisses up like nothing else. He's acting really obnoxious. 
     He used to have a problem with me paying for things, and normally I don't mind it because we're friends. Lately, however, he seems to have no problem at all with getting me to pay for absolutely everything. I am currently flat broke because of this, and he used all of the money that he saved by hanging out with me on spoiling his other friends. That was super rude.

     I guess that's about all for today, and I guess that's a good things because this is now abnormallly long for a daily blog.
     Well, it's been a really good day. Which is great, cause I was sure over due for one of those. I got a hundred on my Biology II test today plus almost twenty bonus points. My math teacher wasn't here so I had a chance to do my homework from last night. I made a ninety-six on my History test, which I was sure I had failed. We didn't discuss grammar today in English for the first time in almost a month. I got some much needed bonus points in French. My Chemistry test wasn't as bad as I had anticipated, and my Piano teacher brought us pizza. Then I got to dance with my crazy friends at the pep rally. I'm also feeling a lot better. I believe I had a bit of a cold, but I took some serious meds today which helped greatly. Hopefully I'll be completely better by tomorrow.
     I decided not to go to the Rebel game tonight. Instead, I'll be kickin' it at home with some Chinese take-out and my favorite horror movies. I need to rest up before the Dallas trip tomorrow. We leave at 0700 and get back at 0330. The art exhibit should be interesting, but I'm more looking forward to the symphony. It should be another exciting day. I'll try my best to get around to posting something about it afterwards. 
     Next Friday I'll be going to the fair with my friends, and I can't wait. Then Saturday is the first French Club meeting at Johnny's. I'll be taking lots of pictures, and I might actually ge to drive by myself. Yes, this is sad, but it's a small victory on my part. The forecast is bright so let's see what's in store.

Bitches, I hope you know.


     So there's this skanky little hoe that just cannot seem to leave my boyfriend alone. She is his ex from freakin middle school. They were friends for a while, and I honestly don't even know why he would want to be friends with her. She has more than a bit of reputation for being a slut and being easy. She even brags about it like it's something to be proud of. Regardless, over the summer she finally admitted what I have been saying all along. She liked him and wanted to be with him. Well duh! Why else would she be talking to him?! Well when I found  out, of course I asked him to stop talking to her. (Is that so unreasonable?)
    He recently decided that he wanted to be friends with her for whatever reason. Apparently, he thought she just magically stopped liking her or something. She didn't, and pulled the same thing again. So now I've got a skank cyber-stalking my boyfriend. Great.
     In case this is somehow unclear, I HATE THAT BITCH WITH A PASSION!!! I wish she would simply fall off the face of the Earth because that would solve all of my problems quite nicely. Given half a chance, I would pound her face in, but I'm not going to do that because:

     1) She is not worth getting expelled or losing my scholarships.
     2) I really do not want to go to jail.
     3) I am a better person than that.

     I should stress, however, just how much I hate her. With a firey, white-hot intensity that burns in such a way that even the brightest suns pale in comparison. With such a hatred that makes the devil himself cringe. In such a manner that even Jason (Friday the 13th), Freddy (Nightmare on Elm Street), Nosferatu, Jigsaw (Saw), Alessa (Silent Hill), and Michale Myers (Halloween) all step back and go "DAAAMMN!" So much that I could scare the roach off an Apache. So much that words cannot embody this feeling. Rancor, hate, and enmity  do not even begin to come close. Webster's hasn't even heard of this emotion.
     So now you have some small concept of how much I detest that girl. This is indeed a rarity for me; I don't usually take sych a strong distaste for someone. She is the exception. Now, this may cause you to ask, Why? Is what she did really that bad? Let me put it to you bluntly, yes! That skank tried to steal my boyfriend. She is more than worthy of this hate.